Do you ever feel your head spinning with the pace of life and pressure to go harder…faster…give more?
So many demands as we look for quick fixes, instant gratification…right here, right now.
Messages to be more, give more, have more...where does it end…. where does it lead us?
Sadly, this approach is permeating every part of our modern life and masquerades as normal. We are led to believe that this is how to achieve success, to find happiness and feel good.
We have lost our capacity for patience, attentiveness and most of all presence.
We come from a place of performance and seek approval outside of ourselves.
In the process our sex lives are suffering and we are being ripped off from our essential and most potent life force.
Enough!
We deserve more...need more….can have more and all by beginning with learning how to slow down.
When we slow down, we can begin to feel, to notice and attune to the subtleties.
We can pay attention and profoundly deepen what we are experiencing.
We begin to notice and appreciate the beauty and magic right in front of us without a need to be anywhere or anything else.
There is a deep liberation available to all of us when we begin to slow down and disentangle ourselves from a cultural indoctrination of performance, agenda and disembodiment.
Some of the biggest challenges people come to us Somatic Sex Educators with, are shifted by simply slowing down and noticing.
If you do nothing else to improve the quality of your sexual experiences with yourself and others, this is it.
Richard Strozzi-Heckler in his book The Art of Somatic Coaching says that “choice follows awareness”.
Without building our capacity to feel deeply and be present to our body, we limit our ability to notice and choose. This has a profound impact on our experiences as without it we follow well worn paths of habit.
We are stuck in patterns that may no longer serve us well.
We stick to the sexual scripts and never fully discover and explore our erotic potential.
I’m not sure about you, but that feels pretty significant to me!
The powerful thing about slowing down is that we are not looking for anything beyond what is already there within ourselves.
It invites us into curiousity, authenticity and honouring of who we are, what we desire and what we feel.
So why are we not all doing it I hear you ask!
It all sounds so easy and simple.
But maybe it is not...
Many of us numb our sensations or capacity to feel and slow down, due to boundary violations and trauma. Disconnection from our body has been a part of our survival. To keep moving and not feeling may have kept us safe at the time, and our nervous system has never had the opportunity or support to find it ways back to calm and presence.
To slow down feels uncomfortable right through to life threatening.
Others of us are wired by a culture that values performance over being; outcomes over experience. We are so habituated to going fast our bodies are either on or asleep. There is no in between and we have lost our ability to find our stillness and quiet.
In fact, many of us don't even notice how fast we are going!
By acknowledging our blockages and slowly, gradually and consistently supporting ourselves to become present, re-engage with and feel the sensations of our body, we can begin to unravel those responses and truly feel again.
By working somatically with trauma we return to a felt sense of safety and the space to choose emerges.
As with all things embodied, practice and repetition over times creates the change we desire.
Slowing down in life, in sex, in all that we do….gives us the space to notice, to feel and to choose.
It gives us the opportunity to deepen and be present.
We let go of goals and outcomes and can experience the fullness of what is really alive in us.
Imagine for a moment, not striving for orgasm or pleasing another.
What space and opportunity could this open up for you?
Don’t just take my word for it. I invite you to experiment and explore with curiosity for yourself.
Have fun with it and see where your energy and attention takes you.
Oh and please don’t be discouraged it this is tricky at first. Remember we are challenging the cultural norm and loads of conditioning here.
Small progressive steps will get you there.
Stozzi-Heckler, R. (2014) The Art of Somatic Coaching – Embodying Skilful Action, Wisdom and Compassion; North Atlantic Books; California.
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