How long can you honestly pay attention to something subtle?
A sensation.
The gentle caress of a breeze.
An emotion that has an edge of unfamiliar or challenge.
Take a moment and ponder.
Are you constantly moving quickly through the world at a pace that allows little pause to even notice you have a body and your feet are on the ground?
Do you find yourself easily distracted and looking for the next shiny new thing?
Is it uncomfortable to sit still and quiet and simply be, without the need to do or produce anything?
We were pondering the whole idea of attention span at FEAST-HQ recently.
A delightful conversation that sparked laughter and also a deeper curiosity and awareness.
How many people out there actually have an attention less than a gold fish…we wondered.
What will happen if we all just keep getting faster and essentially begin to ‘need’ this break-neck pace or we get bored.
Is there actually a tipping point where we simply combust?!
Whilst our musings are funny and we can joke it all away, there is also a serious side to our modern culture’s addiction to this faster-more-keep-moving type approach.
Social media constantly reflects this way of being.
Instagram reels are picking up pace and images need to immediately get our attention or we quickly scroll on by.
Competition for attention emerges, as there is little space in the constriction that comes into the body when our nervous system experiences our accelerator being pressed constantly to the floor.
Being the FEAST sex geeks that we are, this conversation then found its way to consider attention in relation to pleasure. (Yes, our marketing meetings are an erotic playground of a lot of energy and fun!)
Hmmm…no wonder people struggle to have sexual experiences that feel amazing, we mused.
Even those who know the importance of needing to slow down, often know this only in theory with little practical skills to support them to create and cultivate it ongoingly in their life.
Have you ever had the experience of being in the presence of another human being, who deeply knows and cherishes their sexual self and is able to ‘sit back’ with it in their own body.
A person who can slow down and bring themself to the present moment with nowhere else to be.
Someone with whom you feel so comfortably seen without a word being spoken.
Whose touch feels so electric as they attune to the unique felt sense of you.
Chances are, if you have had this experience, it still lives in your body and memory, and you are feeling it right now as you read.
This is the essence of good sex. It is our ability to slow down and have a bandwidth to pay attention, that allows us to step out of life’s fast performance and agenda lane, and into the depth and beauty of now.
These are skills we can all learn and master.
They are somatic, and once learnt live in the cells of our muscles and flow with our breath.
Contrary to popular opinion, good sex is not about technique and competence.
So many people are feeling exhausted and disconnected to the pleasure and aliveness they deeply desire.
Sadly, this becomes the new norm and we settle, placing sex and our erotic curiosity into the too hard basket.
We decide it’s not possible for us or that it requires such radical change in our relationships and life, that it is never going to happen.
As Sexological Bodyworkers and Somatic Sex Educators, we see many people navigating this place in life.
They are questioning what’s possible, and trusting the sparks of longing that still remain despite the depleting effort of it all.
They know there must be another way, but just aren’t sure how to find it.
Each time one of these folk walk through our practitioner door, we feel the spark of possibility and hope.
Why? Because we know that every body has the potential for pleasure.
We know that every body, with the right opportunity to practice, explore and learn new ways of being, can change their experiences.
We know the erotic aliveness and life force that lives in every human can be nourished through an environment of safety and support.
It is why we do the work we do.
Nothing delights us more than to witness someone re-membering their vibrant sexual self.
And it all starts with an ability to slow down, notice and pay attention.
What is like to know you have been present and read to here?
You have followed the threads of your own curiosity and gifted it your time.
You have made space in the busy-ness and demands of your day.
And slowed down enough to notice.
You are in this moment changing or deepening your capacity for pleasure. 😊
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