A lot of people come to us for private sessions wanting to deepen their intimacy and connection with their partner/s.
These folks don't just want to go through the motions of sex and relating.
They want to feel truly close to their intimate other.
It's often this experience of deeper or fuller connection that is missing in people's lives and the very thing that gives increased meaning and nourishment from sexual intimacy.
Read on even if you don't currently have a partner, because what we share below can change the way you sexually relate to yourself just as much as with others.
There are two core qualities that can radically deepen your connection.
Interestingly, we also harness these two core qualities at FEAST to make our festival a truly unique and powerful community experience.
Rather than giving you a magic formula or one size fits all tool that doesn't actually work...
Instead, in this email, we're going to teach you about these two amazing qualities and how you can start using them now.
Make sure you read to the end, where we share a juicy practice that you can adapt and use to integrate what you learn in this email.
The two qualities are Intentionality and Presence.
Using the power of intention invites you into a process of awareness and conscious choice.
It asks you to start noticing any habitual, automatic or unconscious ways that you normally interact and how they impact you and/or your partner.
It's different to having a goal, which often means you are attached to a particular outcome.
This can be interpreted by yours and your partner's body as pressure, which generally blocks openness and deeper connection.
Instead, bringing intentionality to your sexual relating enables you to consciously invite particular experiences whilst being open to the organic unfolding of the moment.
Creating an intention signals your mind and body to step out of their automatic habits and explore how they can contribute to this possibility.
Without presence, this entire process can be fruitless.
We like to look at presence as how available you are to the moment.
If you imagine driving a car, whilst sipping a coffee, talking on handsfree and following GPS directions... this provides an example of split presence. Where your attention is on multiple things and you're not fully with any one thing.
Presence is one of the biggest factors in creating safety in sexual relating, which in turn defines how deeply you can unfurl and connect, with another person, or yourself.
Some of the most common things that can take you out of presence in these moments is your internal thoughts and process.
Insecurities, unspoken desires or expectations, worries, tasks from the day and so on...
Here are 3 great ways to cultivate deeper presence
Slow downnnnnnIn everything - your movement, your touch, your breath, how you talk
Consciously breatheDeep and relaxed - right down into your belly and pelvis is great
Share what you're thinkingSensitively & responsibly - if you're thinking it, it's in the space already.Deal with it by saying "Hey, can I share something? I'm noticing I'm getting distracted by xyz and I just wanted to share it so I can let it go and be present with you."
Ready to have some fun and create a new sexual experience!?Great, so you've got the gist of Intentionality and Presence, now it's time to apply it :)
We invite you to form your own intention that is something like.."To generously love my partner's (or my) body in how I lead, touch, move, hold, speak and be in this erotic exploration with them (or myself), free of any expectation of how they (or my body) responds."
And commit to those words and lead a sexual experience that expresses your intention.
There are huge gifts to give and receive (that we so often miss out on)
When you lead with generosity,
Really express in a loving present way
And let go of any expectation or specific outcomes.
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